13 And on that day Brodin cast down upon his people the Trapezius; the cushion of thy almighty squat bar
1 Yea, though he toiled mightily beneath the holy Iron of Brodin, the young bro was discouraged.
2 Sayeth the bro, "Lord Brodin, the Iron moves slowly, though I toil thus."
3 Brodin sayeth unto him, "Verily, the Iron moves not at all.
4 It is the Earth that moves, for you are swole of heart."
Chapter 20 Edit
1 And Brodin spoke all these words:
2 “I am the Swolest your Spotter, He who brought you into Swoledom.
3 “You shall have no higher priority than Gainz.
4 “You shall pray in pyramids or sets and reps, 5x5.
5 You shall celebrate with gallons of whey, and search out my other artifacts I have blessed you.
6 Keep my commandments and my Swolediers will receive Mass and earn their place in Swolehalla.
7 “You shall not give to Broki's tricks. He is sly and has many forms and minions that a Swoledier must see through.
8 “Remember the Rest day. It is more than just a meager break.
9 Six days you shall labor and offer your Gainz,
10 but the seventh day is a recovery, the Allspotter needs his Swoldiers healthy. On it you shall not let the plates toll.
11 For in six days Brodin pressed Heavens and squatted the Earth, sweat the Sea, and he rested on the seventh day. Therefore Brodin blessed the Rest day and made it Swoley.
12 “Honor your Sisters and Brothers, so that you may live long in Swolehalla.
13 “You shall push beyond your pump, for there is where Gainz lie.
14 “You shall not commit cardio.
15 “You shall not steal Gainz.
16 “You shall not give fake lifts. Form must be impeccable.
17 “You shall not fear Swoleshaming, Swolestation, nor Swoleassment. All are a form of compliment to a true hearted Swoledier.”
18 When the Unswole saw the vascularity like lightning and heard the irons and saw the mountain of weight in motion, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance
19 and said to Broses, “Teach to us yourself and we will lift. But do not have Brodin speak to us or we will give in to Broki.”
20 Broses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Brodin has come to test you, so that the realisation of true Gainz will be with you to keep you from cardio.”
21 The Unswole remained at a distance, while Broses approached the thick darkness where Brodin was.